Have you ever had an issue plague your heart and mind for a long period of time, struggling with the doubt, never being able to fully move beyond a point in healing, and feeling as this is just the way things will always be? I’ve experienced this for nearly all of my years of life. I reached a point where I just accepted it, and lugged it around as if it were a part of me: an unwanted part, a part that didn’t fit, didn’t belong – much like a third arm that served no purpose, wasn’t useful in any manner, and just hanging there, a lifeless impediment.
I thought this was just the norm ~ and then, in an instant that all changed with a simple stumbling across a television program (of all things).
A mindless moment quickly turned in to a deep and revolutionary experience. It sounds so dramatic; I suppose because it truly was. I sat hinged on each scene, relating to so much of it. The Father Effect movie addressed so many of the emotions that I had deeply felt for decades.
It did much more than that though. It presented the “other side.” I had always seen the situation through my eyes, from my perspective. This movie presented the larger scope, and I sat genuinely in awe of the reality that there was far more to the issue than I had previously understood.
By the end of the movie, I can honestly say my perspective had changed. It had morphed from one of resentment, loss, and mourning to one of forgiveness, acceptance, and healing.
I’d heard people mention in the past about how one day an issue melted away, freeing one after years of being weighed down by it. I never understood (or quite honestly even truly believed) the testimonies. That afternoon though, I did understand, and genuinely believed. That weight, that extra lifeless impediment that was always present, was no longer there.
My feelings of utter worthlessness and not belonging anywhere were put in to perspective. Their source wasn’t grounded in truth about my worth or ability to be loved. Rather, the source was grounded in someone else’s pain. My father’s tossing me aside, his most recent wife’s not even giving me the courtesy of knowing he had passed away (I learned about that through Google), and the hurtful words uttered by others were not reflections of me. Rather, they were reflections of pained individuals seeking to assuage their own feelings with little to no regard for how it was impacting anyone else, including me.
The truths shared in this movie, and the way in which they were presented, are so very powerful, and healing. I am thankful for the men and women who participated in the movie, and for the gentleman who created the project. They, in their sharing, have aided in my healing and growth ~ for that I am sincerely grateful.
It’s with this renewed sense of self, and fresh understanding, that I can say without hesitation or lack of honesty, that regardless of what happened in the past, I love my father ~ and I choose to believe that in his own way, he loved me too.
May your memory be a blessing, (A)(B).